My Weblog

Asking the BIG Question... A Bit Unconventionally

Editor's note:
I kind of "snuck" the announcement of our engagement onto our "Top 10-ish" list last week and many people have been asking to hear the story.

I didn't do a post about it at the time because we were on a remote island in Thailand and I was having a hard time calling everyone that I wanted to tell before I posted it on the blog. But last week, with our trip winding down, I decided to put it on there. As I've kind of been living my life so publicly through this blog, in the end it seemed like an okay way to let everyone know at once.

So here's Rusel's story about finding the perfect ring and the perfect moment. Enjoy!

The question on everyone’s mind before Lex even left for Indonesia was: are you going to propose? I was probably asked this question more times than I was asked if I missed her. As the months trotted by I endured the question with a variety of answers:
• Maybe, we will see.
• I will see how it goes…
• Probably, you never know…

Meanwhile unknown to everyone I had decided to propose to her last Christmas in Colorado, but wanted to wait until “the right moment.” In the end, I knew two things: I wanted to do it on our trip and I knew I had to find the right ring. In thinking about it I knew it had to be like Lex, a unique experience.

Before I left I made way to some jewelers in the diamond district in New York and started to do some general research into the whole wedding ring thing. At the time I struggled because the diamond trade is somewhat sketchy and let's be honest, the whole diamond ring is a big scam brought on by the diamond companies. The famous mark of spending “two paychecks” was a marketing gimmick cooked up by DeBeers in the 1950s to get people to spend more. At some point it became the norm, but being a skeptical Generation X guy I do not often like to do the norm just because. I am not against it, but it does not always suit me.

I left the New York shops unsatisfied and still not knowing what to get. I decided it was best to leave it up to the trip. I fantasized about finding that perfect ring somewhere along the way… or some romantic notion to that degree. I figured I would know it when I saw it…

In Moscow, I set out on the secret mission of finding the ring. When I think back about it now I feel so naive. It is actually really hard to find that special something that defines how you feel about someone summed up in a small little ring that goes on a finger with a vein that leads directly to the heart that pumps life sustaining blood to that person you love. Quickly went away the notions of cheesy marketing notions and blood diamonds and I began on my quest to define us.

I can tell you now; being in foreign countries actually tripled the obstacles in accomplishing my goal. At first it consisted of wandering markets and stores looking for that special ring, but it soon became apparent that I would need to be a little more aggressive in my search. I can describe the typical ring shopping experience as thus:
1. When Lex is not looking research on the web where to go in any particular city to buy rings (which is hard enough to do as Lex is very inquisitive!)
2. To escape without Lex by my side (as we are with each other pretty much constantly) I utilized three strategies:
a. Tell Lex I want to go to an art museum and hope that she does not want to come and actually go ring shopping
b. Wake up before her and slip out the door for a couple of hours
c. Wait for her to do go do her own things and say that I am just going to stay home or go to an art museum
3. Spend most of the time wandering the streets in a foreign country completely lost looking at a map
4. Trying to find someone who spoke English to ask directions and usually getting some confused looks or a new piece to the puzzle which usually ended up making me more lost
5. Usually failing in my first attempt to find the store and having to return to Lex so that she would not grow suspicious
6. A few days later making my second attempt after hours of staring at maps in another language to try to find the location
7. After repeating steps 3 and 4 actually finding the store
8. Upon entering the store discovering that no one speaks English or terribly interested in bridging that gap to make my dream come true

So as we went I scoured the countries. It got to the point where I was looking everywhere. Any time we went shopping or just generally toured the city I was looking in secret. I felt like Indiana Jones on the great search for treasure, only my favorite sidekick was completely oblivious to my journey.

As we made our way across Russia, Mongolia, and China I began to worry. I felt no closer to finding what I wanted, which I did not even know what that was. Over the years, Lex and I have had this conversation and we never really settled the debate of diamond, band, or something else -- which compounded my pressure. My recipe of “unique” was ending up a clouded vision of more questions.

By the time we made it to Japan I added a few ingredients to the ring, I felt it needed to encompass:
• Freedom
• Love
• Journey
• Entwined
• Warm
• Soft
• Flowing
• Flying
• Motion

Okay, when describing a bunch of adjectives to a jeweler, especially in a foreign country when they speak limited English, you get some pretty odd looks. Gone were the days of Indiana Jones and here were the days of me miming “journey”, “flowing” and “entwined.”

Then one day I struck fools gold. I was doing my usual scouring on the web early in the morning (Lex as always sleeping just a few feet away) in Kyoto, Japan when I stumbled on a website of a local jeweler. As I viewed the selection I wrote down a couple that seemed of interest and made my typical journey. This jeweler’s store for some reason was particularly hard to find, it was probably because they provided no directions and most maps in Japan are, no surprise, in Japanese.

When I got into the store no English speakers were present. At the time, this seemed odd because we had come across so many in that country. I tried to communicate to the dealer what I wanted. I did manage to see the rings and when I saw it, I knew it. One ring in particular caught my eye and in that moment it became the new mission. Through the clerk's broken English I deciphered that I would have to order the ring, select a diamond and then it would become mine. I conveyed that I had limited time and that this was a mission of love. He told me no and some stuff in Japanese… but I sampled the rings and noted that they were all too small for Lex’s lovely finger. He told me of his two other locations, which just so happened to be in Tokyo. I thought I was in luck as we were going back to Tokyo the next day. Some of this conversation is admittedly assumed as very little English was spoken.

In Tokyo I was confronted with my usual obstacles but by 10 times. To describe Tokyo is not too difficult: 33 million people, goes on forever and pretty much nothing makes sense. My searches for the other locations were the worst ever. I often laughed in my mind of how insane I was and about how I should have selected a ring in New York like a normal person.

The store in Tokyo proved to be no better and I could not even find the ring I wanted. In the third store I really lucked out and they had a clerk that spoke English. I was so happy and relieved that I almost asked him to marry me. We had a quick conversation and it soon became apparent: I was not going to get this ring that day. I would have to actually select the ring, then the diamond and then it takes them six weeks to make it! When I told him I was leaving Tokyo that day he kind of chuckled. In researching this store I had actually discovered that they just opened up a location in New York (oh the irony!) and inquired about my options. I left the store heartbroken as I saw my dream crumple in a matter of days. I sat with my weight on a slab of Japanese concrete for a good couple of hours -- broken.

Shortly after I picked myself up, I hit the plane and my mind started to think of alternate plans. The basic problem I felt was I basically wanted to ask Lex every day on this trip. The trip has been so amazing and we seemed to stumble upon romantic moments daily. I often considered blurting it out without the ring and just owning it up to compulsion. I bit my tongue more times than I can even remember. I knew I could not wait until New York, as I was ready to burst.

In Thailand I decided to continue my search. I thought perhaps I could find her a ring that would symbolize the promise to her. Something equally authentic that I could present to her, but as Thailand has a different economy, I assumed notions of diamonds would have to wait. Again I scoured the markets and stores… nothing in Bangkok, Chang Mai or Pai. By the time we headed south I really started to have my doubts. We were heading to some remote island where options would definitely be limited.

On the second morning I woke early and made my way to “town” which was basically a small street with shops. They looked more like garages than anything and my hopes were small. I came upon a jewelry store and went in. The guy behind the counter was the actual jeweler and we had an easy conversation. He told me that the stones came from Australia and that he polished them and made them into rings. I thought how random -- who would think that in some remote part of Thailand the jeweler would be using stones from the country we just happened to be going to next. So I decided to take a look.

For all those out there who know Lex you have probably noticed that she has a particular flare for rings. Much like her sunglasses, she likes them large and somewhat overstated. Her rings are usually bright and the designs often dramatic. I had decided that the ring’s stone needed to be white representing purity, which by coincidence they all happened to be and I quickly eyed one that had two of the stones that fit my descriptions above.

I felt it fitting; a stone for each of us, each one contained a swirl that seemed to vibrate like our hearts, then delicate metal work celebrated on each side. I bought it up and with delight I carefully mapped out my plan.

Conveniently we were in the most romantic spot in the world: on a secluded beach in our own bungalow 100 feet from what could be considered one of the best restaurants in all of Thailand. I went back to town later that afternoon, bought up the only two bottles of wine in town, a packet of cheese, some crackers, picked some wild flowers…. and gave a quick call up to the clouds to clear the skies so that the all the stars could shine bright. The mood was set. I long ago selected the music, which to start was “You are so Beautiful” by Joe Cocker, which Lex randomly played our first night in Moscow, and then leading into Zero 7, with was the first music we listened together on our first meeting.

I am glad to report that after dinner and a few drinks she quickly said yes without hesitation. It was actually more of: “Yes, of course!” The night was perfect, the stars were welcoming and before I knew it the most important question of my life had whispered past my lips.

The morning after I found myself reflecting on this long journey, to find something as unique as Lex. I found that my mission was complete and although the real ring waits in New York, along with our regular lives, I find I got the best of both worlds. Not really believing in the whole diamond ritual anyway, I found it fitting that I asked her with a ring made by a local artists, someone much like myself. Nothing made by America’s mass consumerism or ritualistic needs, but something made from around the world that is pure and unique in intention, just like Lex. A ring made in Thailand with stones from Australia, our present and the next leg of the trip. Then, back in New York, our future waits. A beautiful ring that we will select, piece by piece, and then somewhere in Kyoto, the cultural heart of our trip, an artist will go to work and build the traditional ring that will last forever.

I also look forward to the day when I get to let the question slip from my lips again; in the city we call home and where my heart always lays, in our future.

Moon: A Star

On the last day of my fast, I sat down with the Sanctuary’s resident expert, Moon, to talk to him about the program and his job. I was feeling great (still do) and am so glad that I had this opportunity to take some time to focus on my health and well being. The program is not just about not eating. Taking a break from food also gives you a chance to look inward and focus on lightness – both spiritually and mentally.

Moon and the Sanctuary are slowly building up quite a reputation. When I was there three years ago, Krista and I were only a handful of people who were doing the detox; this time there were about 15 people doing it on any given day that I was there.

Q: Lex
A: Moon

Q: So Moon, thanks for sitting down with me today. How long have you been working here at the Sanctuary?
A: On February 1, it will be seven years.

Q: How did you first become interested in health and detoxing programs?
A: Well, I have to say thanks to my Dad. I always tell people that when I was young, I had worms so my Dad gave me colonic.

Q: And the colonic helped?
A: Yes, of course. The colonic made the worms go away, and it helped. It made me realize the power of cleansing. Then, I started attending a 7-day Adventist school and my Dad started teaching me how to eat the right food and how to be strong. Then, when I was 21 I started working at the Fasting Center in Ko Samui. While I was there, I became friends with the boss’ wife, who was Thai. She also worked there in the restaurant. After I was finished working there, I went up to Chang Rai (in Northern Thailand, near the Thai/Laos border) to see my wife. My brother, Jay, also worked with me at the Fasting Center in Ko Samui. He quit that job to work at the bar in the Sanctuary. My boss’ wife called me up and told me to come back down south to work. After about three months, my brother called me. At that time, my son was 25 days old. I decided to come down and work at the Sanctuary.

Q: So does your son live here now?
A: No, he still lives in Chang Rai. I go up once a year to see him and for a holiday.

Q: So what happened next?
A: I was working in the bar at the Sanctuary. I had an old friend, we had met each other twice on Samui. He returned from the States and came to the Sanctuary. He said, “Hello, Moon! What do you think if we opened up a fasting center here?” I said great, so a few days later we started planning the spa at the Sanctuary. I helped him open it. We opened it together. But honestly, it was a team. Everybody worked together. Of course, without my boss it never would’ve worked. We opened the spa at the Sanctuary on 23, 2001. The Sanctuary resort has been here about 13-14 years.

Q: Do you like your job?
A: I like what I’m doing. I like to take care of people, to make people happy. It’s always my most favorite thing in my life. I get to know everyone around the world. I don’t need to go and see them, they come to see me. It’s interesting.

Q: I noticed that there were a lot more fasters here than the last time I was here with my best friend.
A: Well, now people come back all of the time and we get many repeat people. Yes, of course your friends and family say to you, “You are not eating? You are crazy, lady!” But then they see how you have changed and then they know. It’s like changing a dirty shirt, you make it new. I do it twice a year – once the 7-day cleanse, once 3-day cleanse. It’s like a clean shirt. You wear it and it gets dirtier and dirtier. If you take care, you last long, you live longer. Health and happiness go together. If you’re happy, you live long. If you’re stressed and unhappy, you live short.

Q: What plans do you have for the future?
A: The more you go longer, you learn more things. Not hard at all, honestly. Give me more experience, more knowledge. For the future, if I’m 50 or 60 years old, I will become a famous guy. People will say to me, “Moon, what do you think?” My dad told me: “If you dive, dive until you reach the sand. If you climb, climb until you reach the top.” I’ve been doing this job for 11 years. If you start again, I have to start at the beginning. I am going to work until the end of the path.

Q: Can you tell me the most dramatic change you saw in someone who did the program?
A: One lady, from England. She’s Greek. Every day she has high blood pressure; when I tug the skin, very fatty (makes the motion of tugging on someone’s arm). During the fast, do it a little bit, and she stopped taking the pills. When she finished the 7-day fast, only skin. No fatty. She said, “Moon, I will definitely come back.” It’s like a machine – if it is clean, more energy comes back, if it is dirty, it loses power.

Q: How often should someone fast?
A: A lot of people ask me how many times do you do the fast? I say: “Can you clean the shirt only one time?” No, you can’t clean it only one time. If it is dirty, you wash it again and again. Or it is just like a book. You have to keep reading chapter by chapter. If you read only one chapter, you only do one chapter. Same with the fast, you fast again and again and again until we die.

Q: Can you do it at home, on your own?
A: Yes. It’s easy. You can order the company, order the product. Everything, read the guidelines. But in your life, you become busy, busy busy. If you come here, everything is set up.

Q: Anything else you would like to add?
A: People ask me all of the time: How do you keep your body healthy, and strong? Eat the right food. Eat everything that is coming from the nature. The food, the leaf, the flower. As for me, I don’t eat the fast food. Because it is dead food, to me. Live food is nature. Nut, bean, fruit, leaf, flowers. Because our body is nature. Our body isn’t a machine. That’s why we don’t need food from a machine. The food from the machine has no life.

Q: Do you eat meat?
A: I do eat meat sometimes. Only when you feel you need it, eat it. Like if you are working at a heavy job. Because our body is like a car if you are doing hard work then maybe you need the energy.

Q: Is the Sanctuary expanding in the back? I noticed more bungalows.
A: I think that they are building more bungalows. We already have more bungalows in the back, called the Sanctuary garden.

Q: How do you sleep through the big party on Friday night? (On this beach there is a huge dance party with extremely loud music all night).
A: I tell people – if you make it easy, it is easy. If you make it hard, it is hard. That’s why you just listen to the music and fall asleep.

Big Waves

Rusel and I left the Sanctuary yesterday afternoon, and what a tale we have to tell.

The mission: to catch the last ferry at 5:30 from Ko Phan Ngan to Ko Samui so we could spend the night on Ko Samui and catch our early-morning flight to Bangkok.

We woke up yesterday morning and I was a little bit sad, because we were leaving -- but of course also a little bit happy (okay, a lot bit happy) because I knew that I would soon be able to eat. We were planning to leave the Sanctuary on Hat Thian beach around 4:00 in a longtail wooden boat for the 15-minute boat ride to Ko Phan Ngan, giving us plenty of time to catch the 5:30 ferry that left from there.

When we walked down to the beach, however, we realized that the ocean had other plans for us. The waves were huge whitecaps barreling violently against the shore. Usually, the beach is busy with traffic from the wooden longtail “taxi” boats taking people to and from the beach. These taxi boats are the only convenient way to get to the secluded beach. There is also the option to take a car but it takes much longer – around 45 minutes – through rough roads. As it had rained all night before, we were pretty sure that the road was a mess and didn’t want to have to resort to this method of getting to Hat Rin, the town from which the ferry left.

“Those waves don’t look good,” Rusel said to me. When I went to consult with Moon about my last day on the fast, he said that I should move my last colonic up from 3:00 to 1:00 so we could leave earlier. I wasn’t too concerned but agreed that this was probably the best course of action.

“Big wave!” Moon said as he looked out to the ocean. I followed his gaze and realized he wasn’t kidding – they were huge. Wave after wave pummeled onto shore and nobody was swimming. The waves were so big that the pond separating the resort side from the spa side was full and each wave went up over the sand and put even more water in. It was overflowing.

After my colonic (fun, fun….I’ve spared you the details), Rusel and I packed up and headed off. Our plan, and the plan that everyone at the Sanctuary recommended, was to hike over to the next beach and catch a slightly-larger and sturdier fiberglass boat from there. The fiberglass boats were apparently sturdier and able to withstand the waves. Many people had left throughout the morning to do the same thing; we figured it was a sure bet.

We said goodbye, with lots of hugs all around. As we were leaving, Peggy, one of the people who works at the spa side of the Sanctuary and really helped me through the fast, gave us a worried look.

“Are you sure you don’t want to take the truck? It leaves at 4:00. All of these people are waiting for it….maybe you should take it?” she asked us. Another resort on the beach has a truck that leaves three times a day for Hat Rin and it was leaving soon, it was now 3:00.

But once Rusel and I get an idea in our head, it’s hard to change our minds. We didn’t want to take the truck – it would be uncomfortable and take forever. There were also about ten people waiting for it, and it was just one small truck. Everyone would be squeezed in like sardines. We said no, we were going to take our chances with the boat.

The hike to the next beach was pretty taxing. I hadn’t eaten in five days, it was sweltering hot and there were thirsty mosquitoes everywhere. Within about ten minutes of starting I already had three huge bites on my right arm. I didn’t want to put mosquito repellant on because I was detoxing but I finally said to hell with it and covered myself from head to toe.

We hiked up the cliff and then down through winding, slippery pathways only to be told that we came down the wrong path and we had to backtrack a bit back up the cliff and then head down to the beach. The small wooden bridge that connected the cliff to the beach was wobbly and was hit with huge waves that hit at our feet. The man at the restaurant on the cliff who gave us directions to the beach had told us that their wooden pier had been swept to sea that morning.

Once we got to the end of the bridge there was a maze of rocks that we had to run through – with our backpacks, no less – to get to the beach. Rusel went first and was fine, but I wasn’t sure about the timing. I had to time it between the waves and I was exhausted. Rusel finally shouted, “GO!” and I ran for it, but lost my flip-flop! There was nothing I could do. It was gone. The wave grabbed it and it was a goner.

Once we were safely on the beach, we caught our breaths and looked around. All of the fiberglass boats we were told would be shuttling people back and forth from Hat Rin were beached; their drivers standing around, smoking cigarettes and staring at the ocean. The waves were just as big, if not bigger, on this beach. We saw two other tourists speaking to the boat drivers that were gathered together and we walked up to them in hopes of getting some more information and perhaps getting a boat with them. The more people, the less each person had to pay.

“Are you guys getting a boat to Hat Rin?” we asked the woman.

“No, these boats aren’t leaving. I don’t think that any boats have left from here all day,” she said.

Damn! Rusel and I looked at each other, beginning to realize that we might not be making it to Hat Rin. We had said no to the last truck leaving from the Sanctuary. But then I realized that it left at 4:00 – there was still time to head up to the road behind the beach and catch the taxi as it drove past to Hat Rin. Peggy had told us that if we had any problems, we should walk to the road as the truck also stopped in Hat Yuan, the beach we were now at.

Rusel and I had a few heated moments where we frustratingly tried to figure out what to do. I wanted to walk back to the road immediately, Rusel wanted to ask around and figure out if this was the best thing to do. I just saw this as wasting time. It was already 3:50 and we didn’t know where the road was or how far we had to walk. Some Thai people in touristy areas are notorious for giving you information that is fiscally advantageous for them as everyone makes a commission and is naturally out to make a buck. Having been victim to some scams in the past, I didn’t want to waste any of our valuable time.

In the end, we decided to hike straight back to the road. Hiking with our backpacks before was difficult, now it was nearly impossible. I seriously have no idea where I was garnering the strength from as I hadn’t eaten anything in so long and now I only had one shoe! But somehow we made it to the road. Rusel went up ahead to scout. He yelled down to me that the road was there and I should keep hiking. When I finally got to the road I looked to my left and Rusel was lying in the middle of the road. I panicked.

“RUSEL! Are you okay!” I shouted. I thought that maybe he had passed out from heat stroke.

“Relax, I’m fine,” he said to the sky, without moving even his head to look at me. “What time is it?”

I looked at my watch. It was 4:01. There was no way we had missed the truck as it left from the Sanctuary at 4:00 and it was at least a ten-minute drive. We were fine.

I lied down on the road as well but soon found myself consumed once again by the damn mosquitoes. About ten minutes went by, then fifteen. I began to worry. Was there some way that we had missed the truck? Was that even possible?

Rusel began to get concerned as well and he decided to hike up over the hill that connects Hat Thian (the Sanctuary beach) to Hat Yuan (the beach we had hiked to). He was gone about five minutes and then I saw his head appear over the hill again and he came walking dirt road.

“What did you find out?” I asked.

“Nothing,” he said. “But there is a fork in the road before the hill.”

Damn. What were we going to do? Maybe the truck didn’t come down to the road behind the beach where we were but went straight to Hat Rin? It was 4:20, we had just a little over an hour to get to Hat Rin and it was at least a 45-minute drive there. If the truck didn’t come soon then we were in big trouble. There were no other cars on the road; it isn’t really used because it is so inconvenient. We sat and waited to see if we could even hear a car motor in the distance. Nothing.

Soon, two blond-haired, smiling guys approached us on the road.

“Hello, mates! What are you guys doing?” they asked. I could tell by their accents that they were Australians and their happy faces made me forget our troubles for a moment.

We explained the situation to them, and they looked at each other and back at us in sympathy.

“I think that your only option is to take one of the boats,” one of them said. “Come on, we’ll help you with your bags.”

Rusel looked at me.

“Alexis,” he said. He only says my full name when he is angry or when he is going to say something really important. “I think that they’re right. That’s really the only way we’re going to make it,” he said.

I was scared to death. The waves were crazy. None of the boats were leaving. Rusel can’t even swim! Was it worth it, just to make a flight? Shouldn’t we just miss our flight and reschedule? I was torn. I wanted to make the flight as well but at the end of the day it wasn’t worth the risk to me. But Rusel and the Australians had already decided; it was done. One of them had already disappeared down the mountain, towards the beach, to begin negotiating with the boatmen on our behalf.

The other grabbed one of my bags, smiled at me, and started down the hill to the beach. Rusel and I looked at each other and starting going as well. When we reached the bottom of the hill, he took a right off to a different path to the beach than we had taken before.

“Have you guys been this way before? It’s a shortcut,” he said. We followed, but as I walked along I looked down and noticed that the entire path was filled with glass. And I still didn’t have one shoe. At that point, I almost broke down in tears but then, I almost laughed. How much worse could this journey possibly get?

Well, I was about to find out. We emerged from the path to the beach (me without stepping on any glass, miraculously) and the guy who had run up ahead came up to us.

“I’ve already arranged everything. They’ll take you for four hundred baht each. Is that okay?” he asked.

Rusel and I looked at each other. It was about $25 US. At that point, it wasn’t about the price anymore. It was about whether or not I was going to get in that boat.

“Fine,” Rusel said decidedly.

I looked at the waves again, which looked even worse than before – perhaps because I knew I would soon be facing them. I looked at Rusel.

“I don’t want to do this,” I said. Partly because I really didn’t want to do it and was scared to death, partly because I wanted to be sure that it was on the record that I said beforehand that it was a horrible idea. It wasn’t so much that I feared for my own life, it was more about the expensive laptops that we were carrying, Rusel’s camera, and Rusel’s life. The guy can’t swim!

“We’re doing it,” he said. “Put your stuff in the boat.”

As he turned to talk to the boatmen, a guy on the beach came up to me with a worried look on his face.

“What are you guys doing?” he asked. “You’re not taking a boat out, are you? Not one boat has left all day. You really shouldn’t do it—the waves are too dangerous.”

The wheels were already in motion. A crew of Thai people as well as tourists from the beach had gathered around the boat to push us off. Rusel and I climbed in and looked ahead. The boatmen, the Australians, and a small group of other people waited until just the right moment between waves, pushed us off, and our ride began.

“Getting out past the beach break will be the worst part,” one of the Australians said to us before we got in. “Once you get past that, you will be fine.”

Before we knew it, we were past the beach break, but unfortunately we weren’t fine. It was worse. The waves were pummeling the boat, which rocked back and forth, up and down. I didn’t know where to look. If I looked ahead, I saw another huge wave coming at us and I became terrified. If I looked behind, the suspense of not knowing what was coming was killing me, as well as the huge waves behind. When I looked at the man driving the boat I became even more frightened. He had a worried, yet determined look on his face.

I can honestly say that it was the most frightened that I have ever been in my life. What would I do when the boat overturned? It was no longer “if,” it was “when.” Rusel can’t swim so I naturally would have to try to find him and save him. We had no life vests. We would lose thousands of dollars worth of stuff. But most of all, I could possibly lose Rusel.

These thoughts were racing through my mind and I started to completely panic. I looked over at Rusel and he was holding onto the seat in front of us so hard that his knuckles were white. His face was green.

“Rusel, talk to me,” I said, fearing that these were our last moments together. “I am freaking out and I need you to talk me through this.”

“Lex, get a grip. I can’t talk right now. Just look ahead,” he said.

There was so much I wanted to say to Rusel. How much I love him. How happy I am that we’ve had this time together these past few months. How it annoys me that he always makes the bed before we leave a hotel room because the maids have to come and take the bedspread off to remove the sheets anyway, but that it’s also really endearing. How sometimes I yell at him and give him a hard time, but he’s the kindest, most amazing person in the whole wide world.
But instead, I grabbed a hold and looked ahead. Each new wave and each rise and fall was excruciating to the point that I became numb all over.

Somehow, we made it around the bend and could see the next beach – Hat Rin. Once we were going with the waves instead of against them, things were a little bit better. Before I knew it, we were on shore and we both jumped out. Two girls that we had befriended at the Sanctuary were on the beach and happened to see us jumping out and came up to us.

“You guys took the boat? I can’t believe it. We heard that one overturned today,” one of them said. Rusel and I were still in so much shock that neither of us could even speak. We just looked at them. They helped us take our bags off the beach – we must’ve looked horrible to evoke such sympathy. I still didn’t have a shoe.

We still had to walk through the town of Hat Rin to get to the pier to catch the ferry to Ko Samui. It was about 5:00, we had time and we had made it. We walked slowly through town. When we arrived at the ferry and bought and paid for our tickets, Rusel set his bag down, got down on the ground, and kissed it “Pope-style.”

We made the ferry but unfortunately the waves were just as bad on the way to Ko Samui. It was better, though, because we were on a bigger boat so it was less frightening, but still scary. When we finally reached Ko Samui, Rusel and I were completely shell-shocked.

We were wet, tired, and I still didn’t have a shoe. I bought some flip-flops. We found a hotel room and had a hot shower. We went out to dinner at a restaurant on the beach and Rusel ordered a pizza, I broke my fast with a big plate of fresh papaya.

I thought that breaking the fast would be the most monumental thing of the day, but in the end just being alive, with Rusel, on the beach was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Day Four

Well, Rusel’s post should really be much more entertaining than mine today, so I will keep it short.

I awoke with a horrible feeling. I dreamed that my sister, Paige, had come to pick me up to take me out to dinner. I told her that I couldn’t go, because I was fasting. She assured me that they would understand that at the restaurant and it wouldn’t be a problem. I got there and they brought me a big, heaping plate of spaghetti.

“Does this have meat in it?” I asked in my dream.

The woman said yes, and quickly replaced the huge plate of spaghetti with meat with a huge plate of spaghetti without meat. I dug right in (can’t remember if I even used silverware, I don’t think so) and started drinking wine non-stop. Then I asked for another plate.

It took me a moment this morning to realize that it was all just a dream. I still haven’t eaten. I’m not about to crack or anything, but I can tell you right now that I will be a very happy girl when I can finally tuck into a big, steaming plate of spaghetti again.

One more day to go!

Day Two, Skies are Blue

Mood: Not Bad. Not Bad At All.

Today is the second day of the fast and I don’t want to jinx it by saying that I’m feeling great but what the heck – I’m feeling great. I’m actually surprised at how easy it’s been so far, but at the same time perhaps the worst is still to come? I hope not.

We awoke today around 6 a.m. to the most amazing sunset. We could see the remnant colors – pinks and oranges – from our bungalow bed. I rolled back over to sleep (who are we kidding here, I was lucky to see it at all) while Rusel went out and took pictures.

I decided to be ambitious and go to a 10:30 a.m. yoga class. I tried to get Rusel to go with me but again, who are we kidding. The Thai massage that we had on our first day in Bangkok (which incorporates some yoga poses and philosophies) almost killed him. He’s extremely inflexible.  So I went alone but am so glad that I did it. The teacher was great and it felt good to stretch out. I felt so inflexible since the last time I did yoga in Aceh – all of these small, cramped traveling spaces and on-the-go pace, added to my ever-growing backpack on my back (Backy needs to go on a diet!) has taken a toll on my body, I guess. Just by going to one class, I remembered how much I once loved yoga and it’s nice to just focus on my body the next few days before we go back to traveling again.

Other than that, the day passed pretty quickly and uneventfully. I spent most of the day on the beach and did have a really nice moment of zen when I got into the ocean, out past the big crashing waves, and floated for a bit. The blue, cloudless sky fringed by palm trees made me feel very peaceful.

The one thing that has really been a nice treat is the spa here, which offers a range of massages and treatments at great prices when you compare it to NYC. Today I had an aromatherapy massage for one hour for about $20 US. It’s not a huge bargain here in Thailand, but it’s my little treat to help me get through the fast and…they’re amazing.

I decided today that since everything is going so well, I am going to do the 5 day fast instead of the three and a half day.  I’m feeling great and so I think it’s a good idea to extend it. The Sanctuary offers 3.5 day, 5 day or 7 day. As I did the 3 and a half day last time when I was here with Krista, and now I’m doing the 5 day, I guess I’m working my way up to the 7 day. Which I’ll do next time I return!

Rusel seems to be doing well with his vegetarianism, no caffeine and no alcohol “diet,” but he has promised to blog about it on Friday so I won’t spoil anything. Today he reported that he had an amazing lunch of macaroni and cheese….so I’m not too worried about him!

And when I stepped on the scale this morning, I had lost 3 pounds so that was a great feeling. It’s too hot to try on my jeans but I’m looking forward to a little extra room in them.

Day One of the Fast

Mood: Irritable, Tired, Happy

I officially started my fast today and by all accounts it’s actually going pretty well. For some reason, last night was the worst part – and I hadn’t even started yet. I had a really bad headache that wouldn’t go away and just kept getting worse. I finally nodded off to sleep and was able to sleep it off, which was nice.

The day started earlier than I’m used to with the psyllium/clay shake. I had forgotten how horrible they are. Basically, you’re drinking clay with some husks. I remembered, as I took my first gulp, how much Krista and I dreaded them last time we were here.

But the day improved and I’m almost afraid to write that it went quickly and there wasn’t anything bad about it! I can’t remember which day was the hardest last time, but today really just flew by. Not eating all day is kind of the pits, but if you’re going to do it then this is definitely the way to go. I spent all morning on the beach, followed by some lounging in a hammock and then an amazing massage.

Then, it was time for the colonic. Quit reading here if you are grossed out easily, and I will try to keep the details un-gross (is that even a word?). The whole point of the fast is to cleanse your body, and a main component of that is getting rid of waste. So once a day (twice if you are doing the 7-day fast), the fasters give themselves colonics. The staff set everything up for me today in our bungalow bathroom and there you go. It was pretty bad, but again not as bad as before, when I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve had colonics before in New York City and they are expensive, but someone else is also administering them for you. Here, it’s all up to you and honestly, it’s a bit more uncomfortable and messy. Enough said.

Are you still there? Great. So after the colonic, I headed up to the steam room which is another great little thing that they have set up here. It’s built into the hill and is really hot, as steam rooms usually are. They infuse the steam with cinnamon and lemongrass, so it smells amazing and is very soothing. Then, I headed down for a veggie broth dinner (much, much less substantial than what I was hoping for) and met some nice people there. Someone put in a movie and everyone watched it together and now, here I am.

An added little incentive/motivation for me was stepping on the scale this morning -- I definitely didn't like what I saw. The one thing that is difficult about traveling is that you never really have a way of knowing if you've got a little extra junk in the trunk....the only real gauge is how your clothes fit, and like all girls out there I can come up with a million reasons as to why my jeans were beginning to cut off my circulation.....but the truth is that all of those potatoes that I ate in Russia finally caught up with me! So although it's not the main reason I'm fasting, it will be nice to lose a few.

When I went to the spa area today for my second shake of the day, I ran into a girl who was on the last day of a 7-day fast.

“How do you feel?” I asked, hoping for some profound words of wisdom or insight into the universe.

“I’m hungry,” she said simply. And that was it. Luckily, and strangely, I haven’t been overly hungry yet. Rusel came and joined me on the beach and we went on a swim in the waves and I experienced some brief hunger pains then, but that’s about it.

Let’s see what Day Two will bring. 

Not Fast Enough

When I was in Thailand three years ago, Krista (my faithful and amazing traveling companion) and I stumbled upon The Sanctuary, at Hat Thian beach on Koh Phan-ngan island (the same island we’ve been staying on for one week now). Famous as a center for fasting and detoxing, Krista had heard about it and wanted to try it out. At the time, I remember thinking that Krista was crazy for wanting to do it.

“Just a second – you want me to quit eating for three and a half days, in a country whose cuisine I not only cherish, I exalt above all other food in the entire world?” I may have asked her then.

Regardless, we fasted together and I remember that it was a really great bonding experience between the two of us.  Ultimately, it was also a rewarding experience for me both physically and mentally. I know that across the world, many people fast for religious reasons and although I’m not a religious person, I remember when I was here last I did have moments of mental and physical clarity that I hadn’t experienced before.

I also became a vegetarian because of the fast and quit drinking coffee for about two years (I only began again last winter in Utah – damn the stress of Sundance!). I had never felt better, physically, than I did right after I detoxed here.

So here I am again, a devoted carnivore and “eating club member” in tow instead of my beloved Krista, signed up for another three and a half day fast. The past few days I have slowly weaned myself of caffeine, alcohol, and sugar. I’ve basically been eating fruits and salads. It hasn’t been that bad, but I am of course already missing my pad thai, curries and big cups of coffee in the morning. The irony of making it through Russia – where I was forced to fast because there wasn’t anything without meat in it – only to come to a country with the most amazing food anywhere -- which I now cannot eat, is not lost on me.

Sigh.

Rusel has decided to forgo meat and alcohol while I’m forgoing all food. It’s a gesture, and I’ll take it. My secret dream is that he will realize how great it is to be a vegetarian and will be one for life, but who am I kidding. Regardless, we’re both going to be doing something difficult and so I commend him on his efforts. He was raised in the Mormon religion (although he is no longer) and growing up, he fasted once a month as a child and it still has too many complex connotations for him. I understand, and I’m working on him for next time.

So tomorrow morning, I begin. I just had dinner and so I guess the fast has already begun. I have a busy schedule:

7:00 a.m. Physllium/Clay Shake (husks to help clean out the system, clay to absorb the bad stuff in your intestines, etc.)
8:30 a.m.  Herbs
10:00 a.m. Physslium/Clay Shake
11:30 a.m. Herbs
1:00 p.m. Physllium/Clay Shake
2:30 Herbs
2:50 p.m. Lymph Flush
4:00 p.m. Psyllsium/Clay Shake
4-6:00 p.m. Colonic
5:30 p.m. Herbs
5:50 p.m. Fresh Juice
7:00 p.m. Veggie Broth
8:30 p.m. Herbs
9:30 p.m. Probiotic

I just had my consultation with Moon, resident fasting expert and the Thai guy who runs the detoxing side of The Sanctuary. He’s an extremely cool guy with a great memory. He remembered me from my visit here three years ago. I’m sure that they have hundreds of people come here (if not thousands) every year and so to remember my face is quite the feat. And people really do come here from all over the world, which makes it an interesting locale to people-watch and talk to new people. As we were a bit secluded on Hat Khom the past week, it’s nice to be surrounded by a community of people.

Our bungalow is great – clean, comfortable bed, and a mosquito net (something we were really missing at our last bungalow). If nothing else, they definitely make sure that the fasters don’t want for anything. Except food (ha, ha). The place is definitely more built-up than the last time I was here. Instead of a lovely view of the ocean, there is a new row of “deluxe air-conditioned fasters bungalows” that looks kind of like a small motel. I do really miss the beautiful ocean view we had at Ocean View.

I’ve already got a headache, probably my body’s futile screams for COFFEE!! CAFFEINE! BREAD!

I hear you, body, but there’s nothing I can do for you for the next three and a half days. Talk to me on Friday.

Highly Recommended: Ocean View on Haad Khom

We will soon be leaving our little beachside paradise on Koh Phangan, Ocean View Bungalows at Haad Khom. To say that it has been a perfect stay would probably be selling it short. It has been really quite an amazing little find.

Our bungalow is about 30 feet from the ocean waves and every morning we awake to the relaxing sound of water lapping onto the sand. It's really nice and quiet and, although there are other people on the beach, it is definitely secluded and quiet. In a way, it feels a little bit forgotten -- as if it's a nicely-kept secret haven meant just for weary people who have survived the cold Siberian landscape.

The bungalows are simple and clean, and we are only paying 500 baht (about $18 USD) a night. It's a little bit pricey as Thailand goes but worth it just for the seclusion and the cleanliness of the place. The only bad thing about the bungalows is the mosquito problem, but we have learned the art of lighting mosquito repellant coils and covering ourselves in high-powered mosquito spray every night. If this is your biggest problem in life.....

And the restaurant is definitely worth noting as well. It serves the most delicious Thai food (for me) with a huge range of vegetarian options (whooo hoooo) and also serves "European Food" for my cullinarily-challenged sidekick who likes meat and potatoes. Everyone is happy, and I am especially sad to be leaving soon because I will soon begin fasthing at The Sanctuary. Oy. More on that later.

So all in all, we have lucked out once again and found a sweet little spot here. If you're ever on Koh Phangan, consider staying at this sweet little haven.

You Say It's Your Birthday, Bhumibol Adulyadej!

Yesterday was the birthday of Thailand's beloved King, Bhumibol Adulyadej. We tore ourselves away from our busy beachside activities to head to the pier Thong Sala, where all of the Thai people on Koh Pha-ngan (the island we're staying at) would be celebrating.

Maybe I just didn't notice it the last time I was here or maybe it wasn't as obvious, but the Thai people are extremely nationalistic and also love their King. At each mention of the King, Rusel curses under his breath because he doesn't believe in royalty and to some extent, I agree. Many people in Thailand live in poverty and there are definitely some issues that could be addressed, yet the King seems to live a very charmed existence off of the taxpayer's dollar.

Nevertheless, as we arrived at the gathering we got into the spirit of things. Everyone was wearing yellow, their way of honoring the King. There was a huge stage set up and a sea of yellow shirts and smiling faces greeted us. It was kind of like the York County Fair (where I grew up) -- lots of delicious fried food that is bad for you, everyone in a jovial mood, kids running here and there screaming.

A Thai man on stage, whom we later found out was the uncle of the woman who owns the bungalows we are staying at, was talking (naturally, in Thai) while a huge projection to the left of the stage showed a live recording of the King in Bangkok taking part in a ceremony for his birthday celebration. Soon, everyone lit a candle and the man on stage said a long prayer.

Next, fireworks were set off and then a bunch of teenage girls entered the stage and did a traditional Thai dance, followed by some kindergarten-age girls who did a more modern dance that was pretty racy(unintentionally). It always kind of shocks me to see young girls doing provacative, Britney-Spears type of moves. These weren't too bad but enough to kind of surprise me.

As the girls continued to dance, a Muaythai boxing ring had been set up near the beach. We stayed and watched the competition, which was interesting but a little bit violent at times for my taste. First, two six year olds were paraded out in front of everyone in the ring. There was a short ceremonial, ritualistic presetentation in which the six year olds bowed to each other, went to opposite corners and bowed, and then stretched out their legs and did karate-type moves before the fighting began. Then, they really got into it. After they were done (I had to look away a few times; the Thai people really got into it and screamed and grunted each time one of the little boys took an especially strong hit), two more boys who were slightly older took the ring, and so forth. There were about six groups of two, with two girls in the mix as well. I was surprised at how passionately and visciously they fought as well. One of the girls was already covered in bruises.

It was an interesting event all-around and the thing I most liked about it was the lack of tourists there. I felt as if we were witnessing something natural and not showy. We took a taxi back to our bungalows and had the beach-side restaurant all to ourselves, as they had kept it open just for us (although we didn't ask them to....the staff are extremely sweet).

Needless to say, life is good in Thailand.

Hold Onto Sixteen As Long As You Can

When I arrived in Bangkok last week and popped into an Internet café on Khao San road to quickly check my e-mails and make sure that Rusel had boarded his flight from Tokyo to Bangkok, there was an e-mail waiting for me in my in-box from my best friend from high school. She told me that her Mom, Sallie, had died unexpectedly and quite suddenly on Thanksgiving Day.

The news hit me pretty hard and reading the words on the computer screen immediately transported me back home and back in time. Although I am halfway around the word and haven’t spoken to Sallie in quite sometime, she was definitely one of those people who left a mark on everyone she came into contact with. She left an imprint on me that’s still very real, so many years later.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. Fittingly, as we rode on the bullet train from Tokyo to Kyoto, Rusel and I started talking about time and he tried to explain Einstein’s universal time theory to me. He spoke of how everything is actually constantly happening and that nothing is linear. I sort of get it and I sort of don’t but in the end, I guess, in certain ways things that happened to me ten years ago are just as real as the things that happened last week. Time is really humanity’s way of ordering things linearly.

There are things that are forever a part of me – like Sallie’s voice and laugh, my Dad’s whistle, the smiles on the children’s faces in Aceh. And then there are things like heartbreaks, weeks of work, and horrible winter months that I have completely erased from my memory forever. I guess that’s just how we work.

Thinking back about Sallie makes me remember being sixteen again, and all of the good, bad and the ugly things that come with it. Sallie definitely fit into the “good” category. Quick to laugh, slow to judge; Sallie was everything you want in your best friend’s Mom when you are sixteen years old. She was always there to listen when you needed to talk but was also one of those people who intuitively knew when to give you space. Whenever I was at Melanie’s house she was there for the essentials when you’re a teenager and the world revolves around you: to pick us up when we needed a ride, to provide us with junk food, to give us some advice. But she wasn’t one of those “hovering” mothers. You just always knew that she was there if needed, and that knowledge was comforting.

Growing up in a small town in Nebraska might not sound ideal to many, but it was quite a bucolic existence. Now that I have some perspective on my growing-up years I realize just how idyllic and special they were. For the most part, in my little bubble, kids were allowed to be kids. But then again, maybe I’m just letting time do it’s job and forgetting all of the bad things that happened and the ghosts and darkness that enveloped me at times living there. In the end, Sallie was always a bright light and her home was a haven to me during these sometimes-turbulent years.

Sallie was a special person because she truly cared for others and let you know it. Her loyalty and level of caring for others was really the stuff of legends. The way that she always thought of other people first serves as a model to me now in my life. Each person a teenager comes into contact with helps to show them the tools needed to be an adult, for better or for worse. Sallie was truly the best example I could’ve had in terms of being a good human being and at that point in my life the impression she made is something I carry with me today.

Everyone would be so lucky as to have a person like her in his or her life. And she was definitely a character. With her bright-red shock of short hair you could easily pick her out of the crowd. It was just another way on the long list that Sallie stood out.

Most of you out there reading this didn’t know Sallie, but perhaps you knew someone like her who made a big difference in your life. Made you feel safe when you needed a place to feel safe, made you laugh when you needed a laugh. Had that certain something that makes people like her unique, even though you can’t always put your finger on exactly what it is. I don’t know if I believe in heaven or not, but wherever Sallie is right now I’m sure that she’s having a great time – and is making those around her just a little more joyous.